I'm Alot of Things, This is How I feel...

I cut for the first time the other night...I don't get what the big deal is...It doesn't hurt. It goes away after a while...If someone cuts, that's their choice, but then again it is also that person's friends choice to not be friends with them, but at that point in the cutter's life it would be one of the worst things you could do to them...I love my friends dearly and I would do almost anything for them, but there are somethings that just can't be stopped...

For me--

1-My mother, I know she thinks she is always doing what is best for me but I can't take it anymore...

2-My Family (in general) is screwed up and I can't help that, my uncles steal and get arrested for drug possesion...My aunt steals and my other one drives me up a wall. My nana works all week and is about to lose her job because of my grandfather. My grandfather is laying in a bed in KS and is dying, he takes alot more meds than he has to, he has tried to kill himself, but couldn't because he loves me...

3-Me, that's all I really have. I can think about anything and no one will ever know what really goes on inside my head. My friends think that I am suicidal, but I'm not. I need an out, or something, I can't take this life that I am living anymore...I need something new, I need a real life...I need something more...

4-My life, like I said before, it is boring and I can't do anything about it...I need something more...

What I need-

1-A life (see above)

2-My Friends

3-Music, I can't live without it...Mother took my music away for over a week now...I can live without anything else but I need my music. Did I mention that mom had a dream about me comitting suicide and she found me inside my iPod, just listening to my music...Sounds stupid, but seems true...I can get lost there...I guess that is my out...

Thanks for reading...I feel better...